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Excellent question

A Jungian analyst down in LA opens his professional site with this:
Why do we choose partners who fail to meet some of the important needs in our life, even though there was something about them that caused us to deeply love them initially?
Falling in love is an overpowering experience. To me, it is one of the most easily accessible signs of the reality of the unconscious, showing that we are often in the grip of forces we neither understand nor control.

When, with time, that ecstatic and tumultuous state subsides, it becomes clearer who the beloved idol really is. And every one eventually reveals feet of clay.

What sometimes happens then is that instead of the idealizing obsession we had in the beginning, we switch gears and what strikes us most are flaws. It's almost all we can see. Qualities that once drew us in now put us off. This change of view can feel deeply disappointing. Or even like betrayal.

But it's usually the case that our own projections and deep needs played a big role in mis-reading.

One of the tough things for a lot of men is learning to accept their partner for who they actually are.

Which is what we want for ourselves, too.

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